Subhead: Mr. Gray Meets Erma Bombeck
With trembling fingers and a fluttering heartbeat, I slowly fumble with each button of my blouse. Breathing in light shallow breaths, I can’t believe how nervous I am. I completely unbutton and let my blouse fall to the ground. It is unbelievable to me how scary this truly is. Will people laugh when I want them to? Will they make fun of me when I don’t? Will they think I’m silly and full of myself? Cringing, I unhook my bra and give the elasticity some rest. I have never done anything like this before and I can’t believe how nervous I am. My heart is fluttering right out of my chest as I unzip my pants and let them pool around my ankles. I shakenly step out of them and walk slowly down the street feeling the cold bricks on my bare toes as I walk naked in downtown Kearney.
Okay, so I have never walked naked down the streets of Kearney or anywhere other than the comfort of my home, but that is how I felt when I published my blog. I was scared, worried and embarrassed even. What if people didn’t like it? What if they thought it was stupid? What if they sent messages about me behind my back or to my face ̶ or ̶ said I was *GASP*, “Cocky, full of myself and stupid!” What if no one read it? Why should I care? I don’t know, but I do.
Putting myself out there was scary to the point where my fingers were literally shaking and my heart was fluttering right out of my chest. I felt as if I had just done or was about to do a 60-minute cardio class. (The feeling is about the same either way.) Scared to the point where I felt like I was walking bare naked down the streets of Kearney for all to see. I have walked into a room one time in my pajamas wondering why my son was up at the computer still only to find his friends with him while I was standing there braless in my pajamas, so I sort of know how it feels. Do you ever have those dreams where you show up to work or school and you totally forget your pants? That’s exactly how it feels. I hate those dreams.
Trying something new is scary. We often fear the worst. What are people going to say? What will they do? How will they react? When in actuality people were amazing. People are amazing! They were generously kind, supportive and forgiving (of my typos or weird ideas). I’ve heard nothing but care, love and compassion from friends and strangers alike. People are uplifting and wonderful. Life is remarkable, and I’m so glad I took this step even through the fear and sleepless nights. And let me tell you, there have been many sleepless nights thinking about this blog. Actually complete strangers have often surprised me more than my close friends with their amazing love and support; however, that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt the love and backing of friends and family as well.
So here is where I tell you if you have a dream, go for it. Trust me, it will be scary. You may think you’re not ready or good enough. There will be nights you will lay awake thinking about it, worrying about it, and even stewing over it. You will have many moments of doubt where you think you’re not good enough, where you worry about what others will think. (Why do we do that to ourselves? Oh yeah, read my post about the Imposter Syndrome to see why. How easily I forget my affliction. I must have it bad.) Where you literally feel like you are walking naked for all to see and worse yet, all to judge. But people will amaze you, and you will amaze yourself. You will be surprised or happy to find them supportive, encouraging and kind. However, we just learned in class, that there are those who may be mean. Can you believe it? Sadly, it can happen. Don’t let them discourage you. Look to friends and family for support. (FYI – pugs are also amazing supporters. Otis loves everything I do. LOL.) So, go for your dreams!
And be there when your friends, acquaintances, or someone you don’t even know goes for theirs. Let’s make a pact to start lifting each other up instead of being so judgy. (Okay, I can totally be guilty of this, and so maybe that is why I was so worried.) Just think of what a better place this would be if we all felt the support I have in the last couple of weeks. It would truly be an amazing place where we all felt safe to step out of our comfort zones, rip off our metaphorical clothes or what’s holding us back and go for our dreams. That is unless your dream IS to walk naked down the streets of Kearney; because you would be super cold, catch pneumonia, and you might even get arrested. So, while I promise to be supportive, it would be super awkward for you and me both and I don’t know if I could go for that.